home

as I packed my bags last night to stay at my fathers for a whileujtil I sort thingsnout with myself, I got to thinking. Is home really where the heart is? Because if it is, I'm not sure if I will ever be goodenough to stay. The truth is, I would give my life for my brother mother sister or father. My only difficulty is that I have trouble acting on my feelings when it comes to appreciation. I'm in repair. They need to remembr I'm still 17 and I moved for their reasons and life would be so much easier if I was back with hilary in coral springs, dining and laughing and dressing up and I would still be acting. Maybe its me, maybe this is just a glimpse of what the college application and audition process will be like. I'm scared to think that. I'm scared for a lot of things. Maybe derrick was right. Maybe I would be ice because I put on a cold front, but I crack easily. I would just like to take thistime to apologize to the people I have pushed around or "bullied" or taken for granted of. I want from my life to give love and I have to learn that if I want love I have to give love. I've got to stop thinking I'm invisible and what or how I say things can't be importantly heard. I want so much out of my life and I think this is what I needed. I need my mother though, I'm nothing without you. See you in a few days I guess.