It's as if you never happened. The journal entries, the tears, the screams, the cool side of the pillow. I've realized that we are alotted a certain amount of feelings and emotions towards another human being. When all is done, we are done-Empty, if you will. I'd like to remember or rewind the day that i woke up, rolled out of bed, and was suddenly grown up. I suddenly am not afriad of things that would terrify me, doubts i used to have, or even things that would normally make my stomach turn. I've seen alot, and if i hadn't there is no way i would be like this. I'm unattached from you, your state, your morals, and even your life. I don't like it to be like this, i'd love for my life to be one big picture, and not just moments i have laying around my room that will soon tarnish. People that used to be important to me, i have realized that i care about all of you more than you will ever care about me. There is something in me that does that- that has the initial instinct to love and trust and put faith in a person i am currently standing with-for i always believe in strong bonds with other human beings. Without all of you, i would be nothing. I am SUCH a collection of all of you that i've met. But somedays i wonder....What if. What if i hadn't cared so much. I need to start realizing that relationships and friendships, even, are 2 way streets. One cannot care more than the other and vise versa. It hurts to know that my love and pushing may have been the base of many of my closest friendships. When do we stop chasing and start being chased? I guess that is my biggest fear. To be out of my control. To let things come to me. I guess i always think that if i don't do it, it will never be done.
2 years ago.....and counting.
"I write letters to those who make an impact on my life, and i get a hug. But all i really want is a letter back."
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